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Confessions Of A Selfish Mother…. And Her Knock With Reality

Rejection sucks!!

Today, after a week of waiting I got some crappy news… As you know I started a new role recently and it’s been so lovely to get out the house and feel like me again. I found myself not only thrown into a new role where I can use my brain, but I actually getting time alone in the city…. Beautiful long walks along the canal…. The odd costa coffee…. It’s been good for the old empowerment and self esteem malarkey ….Perhaps it went to my head, perhaps I forgot for a brief while that I was a mum… Whatever the reason, I applied for a Saturday job…. 

  
Now when you think Saturday job, you think shop, bar staff etc… But this was so much more. 

An escape room

Forgetting the children for one afternoon in half term, Scott and I went to one of these attractions…. A date if you will, a rather over due one…. (2 years to be exact) and, on returning from a brilliant day, I saw they were looking for staff… My cv is colourful (no really, it’s bright pink) and I have some experience pre marriage of film set working and acting….. It was a dream job….. 

For me ten years ago…. 

And I got an interview.

I’m not sure how it happened, perhaps it was running from my new role to this one too quickly to even glance down at my cv but blindly run I did …. into the interview, confident and feeling good…. I forgot to think about what THEY would want from Me. 

My head was filled with ME and how awesome it would be for ME! Oh dear god, working has made me a little selfish…. I even left feeling confident….. I didn’t think that mentioning the children, or toddler group or even that I once worked at McDonald’s… (It was said in jest)……Would be a hindrance…. But now…. After waiting a whole week in hope, and being crushed by rejection this evening, I realise……. I’m not who I was ten years ago…. I’m a working mum and the two are entertwinded…. Not separate. 

I could have gone in, been more quirky than geeky….. Not even mentioned the kids…. Bigged up the pre baby experience, shown the pre wife me…. And maybe I wouldn’t be feeling so darn crap…… And a part of me is kicking myself that I didn’t 

I’d spent the best part of a week thinking about my ‘new’ life, the extra money….. I even got some new clothes….. I started up my healthy eating, been running….. All this focus on me….. And then, Bam…REJECTION 

Now, I’m not saying it was discrimination, I was told the role was filled by someone who they thought was a better match….. And I realise I couldn’t agree more…. It’s an arty quirky, young person company…. And I have to accept that’s not me anymore….  if it ever was…. It’s a bitter pill to swallow…. But a firkkin important one

It’s not family vs work

It’s not me as a mum vs me as a person

It’s just me and I’m not these different boxes or labels. I’m a working mum, who is thirty (still not there yet) and a bit of a geek….. But not in the cool quirky Florence and the machines kind way….. In a slightly awkward, perfectionist but loving way….. And that is that

I’m me regardless of if I’m working or mothering….. I’m gutted, but I know there are lessons to be learnt. I looked down at my children today, h tooth fell out at dinner, Roo asked me to read his bedtime story tonight…. Nerg is poorly and hugging and lethargic and I know they’re part of who I am now…. And this selfish phase can be put into perspective and put to bed also ….. Tonight, I’m going to hug my husband, enjoy a good box set while mapping out ideas of my blog and two other jobs…. Listening out for Nerg…. Ignoring the housework….. 

I might keep up the healthy eating and running though…. 9lbs down 

   

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14

Setting The Scene For A Swashbuckling Pirate Party

A month ago I showed you our fabulous bottle of fun party invites for Roos Pirate themed BIrthday Party. Well, during the Easter break that swashbuckling foray took place. From the food to the decor, I worked my crafty socks to the bone and, with lots of help from my far more organised other half, we just about pulled it off….. Here is the first of a few posts…. 

From flags to masts, bunting to props here are some ideas for anyone wanting to host a themed event for their own little one.

A mast centrepiece 

We painted an old sheet with poster paint

  

and added a cross (because roo doesnt like skulls)

 

the scene is nearly set

  

an added touch from little mans pirate ship toy

 
Bunting
we used a mix of different styles for this. Chalk board flags are brilliant and can be used time and time again. You can see our previous use for H’s Tween themed party on Instagram. I spent hours cutting out these anchors from silver card…. Not something I would recommend….  Especially if you use the next one to frame the following…. The final cut out was more smudge than ahoy there… But yo ho and all that 

   I ordered this beautiful name bunting from the extremely talented Viv at lovingly made gifts. With an Xmas day birthday we thought Roo could keep this from his party as a special out of season present. Do pop along to her Facebook page and give her a like…. Although be warned, your newsfeed will be filled with lots of tempting handmade goodies. 

     A few final touches and we just had to wait 

  
    
    
   

www.mrscraftyb.co.uk
15

A Heartfelt Apology To Our Local Garden Centre

To whom it may concern

Today our little but loud family of five visited your establishment, This was an impromptu trip following a disastrous day at Tkmax and not quite soft play. The consolation prize,for our rather disheveled children, was cookies and hot chocolate in your cafe. 

Please don’t think you are always our last resort, we love your Christmas displays and also enjoy a turn through your aisles to look at cute shabby chic storage and name magnets. We don’t visit the plants Im afraid, for a reason that will soon become clear….

I’d like you to know, it was us, or rather our 3 year old, who plucked that large lemon from your £50 pot on the cafe floor, but before you send in the troops allow me to explain….

Tkmax was a hastily decision, one made in desperate need, I wanted clothes and it was raining… We forgot the pushchair and the youngest was screaming before I even reached the clearance section. After running around the store (my husband after the children) we accepted defeat and decided to go to a soft play centre….. It’s the last day of the Easter holidays you see and shopping just isn’t fair on anyone.

We trooped to the car and made our way to a centre we haven’t visited before. Outside were two women having an altercation, cigarettes in hand, they were shouting at one another while a child ran between them near the busy road. Ever so politely pushing past them, I send my husband to investigate the play area. He returned quickly and announced £15 for three children to be squeezed into a ball pit wouldn’t be any easier than our store visit earlier…. We relented and decided on you instead, a haven for the middle classes….. 

Unfortunately, in the excitement of not quite soft playing, our middle child had an accident….so, on arriving husband promptly took him to clean up while i carried the screaming 18 month around….promising him cookies soon …. Your staff were lovely, trying to make him smile, and I willed him to respond, he cried some more…. I really don’t understand why….. Except maybe, you know, he’d spent the morning in tkmax and an hour in the car…. He wanted nothing more than to run about your centre, I couldn’t let that happen.

We headed to the cafe. Now, I’d like you to inform the customers who were present that I’m a blogger, my photo taking was not a sign of a neglectful mother, just a Instagram mum wanting to get the cookie angle just right. Yes, I saw those eye rolls, yes I know my child needs a wetwipe and the eldest is slurping her drink…. But please try and understand….. Not one of them is crying!!!!

During our cookie binge, middle boy told us proudly that he wanted to pick a lemon from your gorgeous lemon trees….. We distracted him with hot chocolate and said No firmly….. We then enjoyed five mins of gentle chatter before the youngest decided he’d had enough. We went to leave. 

Now, I have waitressed before and, I’m always careful to stack the dishes and remove crumbs from the floor before leaving a cafe, it’s only fair…. My husband, also contentious, wanted to ensure all sticky fingers were wiped before anyone went near anything shabby chic…. 

Unfortunately there are two of us and three children….. Somewhere between plate stacking, face wiping and finger scrubbing Roo grabbed that lemon!

I know we should have come to tell you, in fact I said it loudly several times because I didn’t want to seem like a disinterested mum…. I’d already had eye rolls….. But the plant was £50 and we had shunned the £15 soft play…. It was a rather large lemon (I snapped a pic as we marched Roo to the exit) it may well have fallen off before too long anyway, but I’m ashamed I didn’t inform you what had happened…. The eye rolly crowd probably told you about the slummy family who left it there, in the pot, all alone….. But we didn’t…. We were too broke and too mortified… 

I’ve been thinking about it since and I want to say a big sorry, on behave of Roo! Who did not have any jelly for dessert tonight.

Regards

Emily

    

  

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The unproductive truth about Easter break 

When Scott is off work for the holidays it’s always strange, our routines fly out the window and I find myself being, to put it bluntly, a bit lazy. Anyone who’s other half teaches will understand the scenario. You look forward to relaxing without the hassle of school run or toddler group rushing around and then you just kinda flop about… Even our Sunday walks fall by the wayside because there is always tomorrow. With Easter and two parties, plus job interviews and….er….netflicks, I find myself so much less productive. I have about seven unpublished posts and we didnt get out as much as we wanted. We did manage a date though….. This is unheard off. 

We did make it to the park yesterday, I even had a go on the zip wire (picture NOT INCLUDED) So here’s a couple of snaps. I expect once we settle back into routine I’ll finally get round to sharing more…. Some advice for other bloggers…. Don’t get it right, get it written. Enjoy! And I hope you all had a wonderful Easter break. 

    
    
   

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Ch ch ch changes 

Despite claiming this blog is about juggling motherhood and a career, I have to admit there’s not been a whole lot of juggling recently, it’s more a game of grab the balls when you can….. Yeh… I’ll just leave that one here for parents all around the globe to relate to also…..

But in seriousness everything blends into one…. We are back to talking responsibilities now…. I work to a loose schedule, fitting in 14 hours work around the children, washing, blog, housework etc. some days, when roos at preschool and Nerg having a nap, I find myself in bed, with the boob monster, going through emails, flagging to action and staring at how dirty the mirrors are.

 

A few weeks ago I wrote a post on this and it got me thinking more about what I want to do in life, oh the cliche.

Working from home just hasn’t been working for me since I returned from maternity leave. My responsibilities and priorities mesh together into one big ball of guilt. I’ve been considering dropping down some tasks at work so I can focus more on others. I flit about between roles and it has taken it toll on me. I was hoping I could hold on until the boys went to school but my head has been filled with a never ending to do list, which when your whole life is based at home, you just can’t switch off from it….. Every evening I’ve been playing a game of me vs house. I mean, we’ve just got Netflix and I kinda wanna enjoy it! So I took the plunge and applied for a job. Great reasoning hey?

Two interviews (six changes of clothes) and a chat with my current manager later, and here I am, ready to embark on a new journey, one which knocks my home working hours right down, but forces me out of my comfort zone, and the boys….Into childcare….and h into after school club.   Luckily, Scott’s teaching hours mean he can take on some childcare and we can keep our mothers help, which is so important as she’s been in our lives nearly three years. But we do need a further care and that’s scary! I have mothers guilt from Hs babyhood still hanging over me and at 18 months Nerg hasn’t been away from me for more than a couple of hours. I’m faced with one and a half days away from him now but the only thing I feel guilty about, is my lack of guilt.

 

We visited a nursery when Roo was 6 months old and I couldn’t bare it, I don’t know why, but I felt that I would be abandoning him…. But nerg is so sociable that I find myself saying ‘he’ll love it’ and I actually mean it. 

If I didn’t have to work, I guess I’d carry on at home… Use my crafts as a creative outlet…. But I don’t have the choice to be a SAHM and, if I have to work… I want to bloody well enjoy it and feel I’m giving my all. This new role is tremendously exciting and my perfectionist side is so relieved that I can finally do justice to my current job also. 

 
 

Working from home with little ones just isn’t doable on a large scale, not for me anyway. I can get out, earn the pennies, build a career and the house will be in the same state I left it in the morning…still piles of washing…..but nothing added, it will feel so strange to be me, not me as a mum….or sat I’m my laundry room office for hours trying to focus through the dirty pants….its still the same amount of balls…. but, more juggling space. 

Maybe I really can have it all? And, if I feel tired or overwhelmed, well, I can sit down with a glass of vino in the evening and watch Netflix!!