11

Making a Comeback

Turns out I’m not such a slummy mummy! I know! those of you who have seen me answer the door in just my pjs and odd socks with a baby slung on my hip may find it hard to believe, but, 9 months of maternity leave and a er…… Break from blogging opened my eyes a little.
Turns out I’m just a perfectionist who takes on too much. 

I’d have felt a fraud if I’d continued blogging in this time, great excuse right! But it’s true. Following nergs birth I actually turned into Martha fikkin stewart!!

Septembers a good time to be born… Oh I’m not talking about the academic school year, although, as a late August baby I know this will be advantageous to him, but actually, it means mummy is work free for the most important milestones…… I’m talking about Halloween, Christmas and Easter. Bonding time with baby is good too

I spent the first few months alternating between boobing baking, cleaning, and box sets. All those buffy and Dawsons creek episodes that had built up over the years, were now within my grasp, and, when more quiet time was needed, I would browse Pinterest for my next project, 

Now I’m back to work…. Or have been since August. I miss those moments. But surprisingly I wonder if I’m happier slummy?! I’m still trying to create the Pinterest image but I think my husband likes me more now. 

I kept an immaculate (and I mean immaculate) home, the children were fed home cooked concoctions and there was time for crafts without neglecting the clean up afterwards. But I was a bit like a broken record…. I’m not sure he could not have coped with anymore conversations on which colour scheme to do this or that occasion…. Also it all seems a bit shallow now, my days marked only by the next event coming up… I feel sure I was turning into my mother in law… Who writes ‘start packing’ on the calendar a week before going on holiday. Coupled with the fact that the spouse spent the first 6 months on the sofa bed while I co slept, demand fed and drank coffee in the king size, I began to see how couples grow apart. 

We hear all the time that you should have your own identity as a couple but being a homemaker turned me into a subservient little wife. I loved it in a way, being needed by my family, everything was done, clothes washed, beds made, toilets frikkin sparkling…. A clear surrounding does improve your mood. But then what? My whole existence and sense of pride, was based upon being needed and doing things for others… Omg!! I’m selfish if I’m saying that’s not enough right?

What about the kids? Surely it was better for them, me not rushing about grabbing a homework book with one hand and the laptop in the other? answering questions on phonics while writing about parenting that I’m not actually doing. I’m not sure, but I’m pretty certain I began living through them, in manner of scary stage parent. The homemade costumes, the non parenting with biscuits… They prob missed the iPad apps and dreaded the lets browse Tesco again for craft supplies… Lets bake another lasagne from scratch when what they really want is fish fingers. Less complicated meals without the expectation of gratitude at the bottom of the plate. My eldest certainly drew the line when I mentioned marching up to the school to retrieve the worn once PE kit…. Just to give me something to wash, no questions about what this is in her pocket….. She can collect as many stones as she likes now because I’ve not turfed out her Parker for at least three months.

What’s funny is no one was anymore grateful than they are now I’m back to my slummy ways. I feel crappy that I can’t do all I did then, but actually I think my other half will chose to tackle the laundry basket over listing to the drone of my voice as I describe in detail again, how I discovered an awesome new stain remover for real nappies. I think he’d rather wear odd socks than hear how I spent the last two days pairing up 3 years worth of uncoupled ones. 

Dont get me wrong, not all SAHM are like this at all!! But I’m obsessive, a perfectionist… Better I be a slightly grumpy one throwing my being into a million projects and incomplete tasks, than a neurotic one throwing herself  into two or three…. Im not sure, I’ll have to ask hubby which ‘me’ he prefers when he comes home… To our messy house, with a 17month old at the breast and no dinner ready… Hey, today I cleared my work email inbox and put the clean but un ironed washing on the stairs go me!!! 

Oh and I had no time to upload images this time so here’s a picture from peppa pig! We have reconnected with the show over the last four months, fab babysitter!!  
 

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Week 31: We’ve been invaded

So I’ve managed to waddle (yep I’m doing that now) up to my office this evening, ice pole in one hand and banister clutched in the other… heaving myself up the stairs like a poor lame hippo, I figured it’s about time I update my blog with the joys of pregnancy and family life. I’m trying to climb the two flights of stairs as little as possible at the moment, terrified ill trip. For most people it would make sense to limit such excursions by remembering to take up or bring down various things each time, but I’m so forgetful that I often reach the top floor in a state of hyperventilation only to find I forgot to bring up the washing/paperwork/nit-comb etc…….

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Yep some pesky head lice have found a way into our home repeatedly over the last few weeks, at least 3 times a week I’ve found myself on the top floor bathroom with H only to discover I left the comb in the living room…. I’m very tempted to buy three and keep one on each floor just in case. Horrid little things! Although, I actually find eradicating them somewhat therapeutic. There’s something really satisfying about combing through my girls hair and catching a big fat wiggler… or at least there was for the first two weeks… I just can’t understand why they’re coming back, they’re like Rasputin, you kill them off with some pretty hard-core Headrin warfare, trap and dispose of their offspring, wash all the bed sheets and repeat over their (googled) life cycle and yet they still won’t blommin DIE!

It does appear as though H is the only unlucky one but on the safe side its best to check the entire Macdonald clan to be sure. This means the whole family now start running away when they see me appear in the room in manner of crazy headlice serial killer woman, with facemask, gloves, conditioner and comb (depending on if I remembered to bring it to the correct floor). Today it’s so far so good, but I’m starting to run out of steam… literally, if I sit in that boiling hot bathroom for one more friggin evening I’m gonna scream. Luckily, my girly is taking it very patiently and is able to look on the bright side of things…. Good bye boring ponytail ‘mummy now sends me to school with plaits of steal and buns of iron’. Just you try it pests… I dare you!!

So, I’m well and truly done with pregnancy, 9 weeks to go and counting. I’ve got my office fan up and running now which is helping at work but, with these eye issues and the heat I’m looking forward to going on leave in two weeks, not least because we have to move house again! Still, no better time to move and pack then when the nesting kicks in I guess, but I’m finding that even my x2 30 min daily naps are just not enough to stop me flagging by the evening.

And on cue, I just started yawning into my keyboard.

boyLittle man has self-weaned and hasn’t nursed for nearly a week now, I’m actually quite relieved as I don’t think either of us were enjoying it anymore, I’m preparing myself in case he wants to start again once ‘Macfly’ arrives but for the moment I’m loving that I can wear a decent bra for the first time in nearly two years… nursing get-up just isn’t attractive. A big plus (so far) to this pregnancy is that I don’t have any new stretch marks woo hoo, this may change over the next couple of months but for the moment it’s a relief to know my already tigger-like stomach hasn’t got any worse, they developed around the 25 weeks point in both my previous pregnancies so fingers crossed eh?

All recent blood tests were fine meaning no gestational diabetes, phew! or iron deficiency, this is a relief!

LUCOZADE_ORIGINALThe GDT wasn’t a fun experience; I had to have a blood test at the hospital confirming again why I don’t want to give birth anywhere but my own house… I then had to sit for two hours after drinking Lucozade… normally I would relish some time away from the kids and there was a TV in the day room, but had I been at home I could have watched a bit of Jeremy Kyle without feeling guilty/embarrassed/ashamed of myself, but I knew I couldn’t risk tuning in while the midwives floated about…. God forbid anyone discover my guilty pleasure… instead I hid a copy of closer magazine (I found it there) inside the guardian…. It was full of celebrities I’ve never heard of losing weight after pregnancy… way to go NHS!! Way to go!!

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Things that annoy me when I’m pregnant

Ok so hormones go a little bit crazy during pregnancy, and most of this stuff is my responsibility, but that doesn’t stop me breathing fire once in a while.

1. When people do a pee in the toilet I just cleaned……

2. Cooking disasters

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3. When my cup of tea goes cold

4.When people put anything other than books on the book shelf

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5.When I get up for the 3rd time that night to pee

6.and the toilet roll hasn’t been replaced correctly

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7. Having to adjust the seat in the car

8. When things are left on the stairs

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9. Forgetting why I have walked into a room

10. When the stair rail is used instead of the coat hooks

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11. Finding myself sobbing during the opening sequence to Fireman Sam

12. Tea bags left on the side

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13. Toothpaste in the sink

14. When the table isn’t cleared from breakfast before creativities begin…. mmmm toast crumb cards

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15. When my husband has hic-ups…. or sneezes, or snores, or burps…. or breaths too heavily

16. The vacuum cleaner lead….. enough said!!

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17. Discovering there’s no milk….. after brewing my cupa

18. Forgetting to remove the veg crate before using the microwave and praying for thanks that the house didn’t go up in flames

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2

The Thin Red line

So, we’re pregnant! I hope this goes a little way to explain my absence of late, I’ve either been with the kiddies, working, or sleeping. Bfeeding a toddler during the early stages of pregnancy is exhausting not to mention slightly painful but, we’re still pushing forward in an earth-mother-with-kids-hanging-of-her-boobs kinda way….

The day the red line appeared I had stocked up on the following at Tesco…. A bottle of Malibu, 3 ovulation kits, a pregnancy test and a big box of tampons…… I secretly snuck away to the loo when we returned home (thanks to ‘In The Night Garden’) and obviously was delighted when the line appeared! But my second thought, was ‘dam it!….. What a waste of a shopping trip’

I hadn’t really expected to be pregnant that month, I mean, my cycle had been all out and all attempts had failed for 3 months previously. Plus, with the pressures of Christmas and various house guests, hubby and I are certain we didn’t actually do the deed….we still don’t remember when said event took place….. gosh is that marriage for you? I mean I often forget when he asks to me wash certain jumpers… and in turn he has forgotten to sort the tv wires for 6 months now, but sex… erm that’s never happened before…

Yes Aunt Flow was late, but it wasn’t the first time since she reappeared following Baby Roo’s birth, I took the test out of habit really… and low and behold, there it was, the thin red line!DSCF4218edit

Our dates have been very hard to decipher as this line appeared a week after conception (even odder now that I don’t remember). Those hormones must have been strong… I spent the first 8 weeks thinking I was two weeks ahead of myself and couldn’t understand why I didn’t feel particularly sick…. An early scan revealed our ‘Macfly’ (After the BTTF character, not the band) was strong and healthy but wouldn’t be sharing my Virgo birth sign as suspected (no I don’t believe in that, but sounds cool right?….. ok, I couldn’t think of another way to wrap up that sentence).

Surprisingly the sickness is so much easier to manage than both my previous pregnancies, maybe its because there’s little time to dwell and wallow but I feel so much better than before. The problem with third time around is the good old pelvic floors are less forgiving…. I’m not trying to gross you out but, ever puked and peed?…. its humiliating!! I’ve taken to attempting to reinstate them every time I boil the kettle…. This is fairly often, as, when you have a toddler the kettle is re-boiled at least four times before you actually get round to making a brew!

As you can see I’m not going to be sharing the glamorous side of pregnancy (does it really exist). I’d love to do a bump update every week for you but erm at the moment I look about 6 months gone, the joys of close pregnancies! Ill simply relate as I always do, the reality of being a slummy mummy of two three!!DSCF4155edit

2

Happy New Year!!!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas!

What are your plans for New Year? Are you hitting the town or, like me, are you curled up inside in the warm wondering when you last hit the dance floor? I think the last time I stepped into a club was quite possibly my hen party. I sobered up fairly quickly when the DJ was greeted to a huge cheer on asking ‘who here was born in the 90’s’! This was my cue to leave.

I’ve just got over Christmas, the last thing I want to do is go for a night on the tiles, instead, my husband is pouring over his Game of Thrones 4D puzzle at the dining room table (4th day in a row) and I find myself reliving my youth by watching Buffy re-runs: (incidentally it’s the episode where the adults of Sunnydale revert to their youth).

I’ll try and make it to midnight as this will be the time other half and I turn to each other, briefly mumble ‘Happy New Year Love’ then continue our separate thrilling pursuits. Who wants to be on the wrong side of 25 in a night club anyway?

Normally the new year is when I make a Bridget Jones style list of everything I intend to achieve….. It should look like the following although of course, It looked very similar last year

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• Lose weight
• Always hang the washing out as soon as the cycle has finished and not just refresh the machine every 5 hours
• Sort through all the cupboards which have been filled over Christmas in order to fool guests that I do truly live a neat, minimalist lifestyle
• Donate the Xmas chocolates
• Donate all the skinny clothes in my wardrobe because I’ll never fit into them
• Deal with the charity/boot sale boxes from last year’s (half) sort out, which accompanied us on our move and are now piled high in the bedroom
• Accept I’ll never look at old xmas/birthday/wedding/new baby cards again, bin them, thus freeing up space in 99% of all household drawers
• Make a start on clearing my student debt (boo)
• Decorate my office (cute Cath Kidson style florals)
• Stop using my husband’s office as a laundry room
• Remember to take up any items on the stairs when passing them
• Take painkillers the moment I sense a headache rather than moaning to my husband for 3 hours
• Remember to take the pushchair out of the car the night before if walking to school the next day, thus avoiding the rushed ninja routine with baby on hip at 8:30am
• Take all meat out of the freezer the night before rather than worry all day that it will not defrost in time for dinner
• Spend some time actually improving the house rather than googling design inspirations
• Be assertive with our half job cleaner rather than tipping her an extra pound every week
• Partake in spontaneous creative activities with the children rather than having to mentally prepare myself for the mess a week beforehand
• Take up running
• Update ipod for said running trips
• Buy running shoes
• Decide against running due to initial start-up costs
• Update this blog more….. maybe when I feel guilty about not running

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Maybe I’ll update you on the progress of this next year…….. I’m off to set the Big Ben countdown to record now in case I should fall asleep before midnight……. Might go an open some of those yummy Xmas chocolates also…..

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Damned if we do…..

So, during preparations for my earth mother experiment (real nappy, breastfeeding and sling research) I came across a fantastic article on extended breastfeeding, this got me thinking about how us mothers are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. I thought I’d share a few of my thoughts with you:bitchymoms

  • Are you breastfeeding?: This question, if coming from genuine interest, maybe a curious mum-to-be or a health care professional is all well and good, but if it’s to gauge my suitability to join your baby gang you can sod off!
  • Are you still breastfeeding??: So, you’d judge me if I didn’t but beyond the age of 12 months there must be something wrong with me for continuing…. Right!!
  • You’re doing baby lead weaning: Won’t your baby get really hungry? Throw most of it around? Won’t he choke? no I wont look at the book you bought to understand it better.
  • You’re mashing his food: Oh,how will he learn to feed himself, you’ll never get him to eat lumps, you’ve made a rod for your own back (agrahhhh I hate strongly dislike that saying).
  • Make noise around your sleeping baby so he gets used to it: who really feels like hovering when you have a new born? and at 3am I’m not risking it….sorry
  • Sleep when he sleeps: I thought I was meant to hoover?! (also this advice only counts for the first 3 weeks after that, no matter how little sleep you’ve had, you’re lazy for wanting a nap)
  • Is he still not sleeping through? No, I like my two hour a night cuddles. (if I’ve not offered up the info, or said I’m struggling its NOYB)
  • Its psychologically damaging to let your baby cry it out: agrahhh I can’t win

Can you think of anymore??

3

The best laid plans / Often go awry

We overslept, a rarity in this household. Mums don’t need alarm clocks you see. At 6:45 each morning we are awoken by the children, either the eldest asking about what’s for dinner next week or the youngest cooing accusingly into the baby monitor. For 10 seconds this morning we congratulate the children on letting us sleep in…. then the realisation kicks in: its 7:18 and we are quite possibly going to be late.

I have plans for today: I was going to try for the yummy mummy status, get up at 6 have a shower, do make-up, lay each child’s clothes out ready, maybe make the pack lunches…. Find some co-coordinating jewellery, locate my chic scarf. I may bake some cupcakes when the youngest has his morning nap later, I could unload and load the dish washer while they cook…sort out the washing that I’ve refreshed twice in the machine. Maybe I’ll start a blog on craft projects…. We have recently moved house you see, I’m quite into the idea of blogging my interior design ideas. I have written a list!

Despite sleeping in, the baby is tired…. Maybe he’s having a growth spurt? We are nearly out of bread. “its ok mummy, I like the end crusts” (thank goodness). I feed the baby porridge and throw a cup of coffee down my neck…. And dressing gown…. (see that’s why it’s good not to get dressed until the last min).

We all troop upstairs, I have no clean clothes, I really should sort out the wash…. Maternity wear it is then….. the coordinating jewellery is in a box somewhere…. I’ll go for the naturel look today… nothing worse than turning up for the school run looking like you’re going out for the night.

The husband leaves to catch his train; he breaks into a jog as he passes the garage…..

Throw together a packed lunch and I sort out some money for a school trip. The baby cries, he doesn’t want to get dressed this morning, He doesn’t want a banana, he doesn’t want his sister to play peek-a-boo with him, he doesn’t need his nappy chan….. oh wait, yes he does.

We’re late, we had better drive to school (actually no quicker, but these maternity trousers are a bit big for me now, would hate to expose hideous m&S underwear while pushing pram down the road).Made it to school, just in time. forgot lunch box!! As baby sleeps for 2 hours at 9:30, we will have to break into school trip money….. Harriet likes school lunch better anyway.

HOME!!!! Ooooo postmans been

Baby doesn’t sleep at 9:30, baby fills nappy (again). I empty all my pockets placing remaining trip money with the post and lay down to feed him…..  10 mins later I awake with him fast asleep and still attached. We begin the cot lowering mission. Slowly_creep_into_babys_room_gently_lower_him_into_cot_back_away and trip on a oh so stylish vintage crate……BABY AWAKE

I abandon my baking plans and spend the next hour trying to get him to nod off again. He keeps smiling, we give up, I empty, reload the put the dishwasher on with him in my arms….

Side note: how do other mums get anything done with a baby? This is the extent of the housework while he is awake….. a bit of dirt is good for building up his immune system anyway, don’t want him to be one of those sickly children who sees a speck of dirt and comes down with stomach flu….. Incidentally, if you were a child like this please put me in touch with your mother so I can ask her how she managed to keep such a spotless home…… maybe you had your nap at 9:30?

We have no bread, I have to boil up some pasta and stream some veg for little mans lunch…. Dish washer is full of clean stuff, I leave saucepans on the side, fill one with water to ‘soak’ I’m good at doing that, did you know, some need to soak for 24 hours atleast??

Moving house equals lots of phone calls; I aimlessly open the post while on hold. Baby seems happy, he’s playing with some paper….. OMG it’s the trip money, He’s eaten Harriet’s £10 note…..

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So there we have it

Hours spend napping (baby) 0

Cupcakes made 0

Phone calls completed 0

Loss: £10

Gain: 2 dirty nappies

Washes done 0

Dishes on the side in the morning 9

Dishes on the side in the afternoon 9 (but different ones)

School trips paid for 0