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Week 25, Birth Plans and Football Fans

gif001-bWhere is the time going? I saw my midwife this week and couldn’t help but rave about how well this pregnancy is going. I mean sure there’s this weird eye acne thing and a bit of heartburn, but it does seem to be drifting along quite nicely. Of course there had to be a little bump in the road though didn’t there, I wouldn’t be writing this sort of blog if my life contained no quirks, dramas or random hic-ups…. I’d instead be writing a vintage themed, rose tinted, cupcake staked, pile of floral goodness for you all, you know the sort? Where the blogger takes a beautiful image of their child in a pretty bow sat on an immaculate sofa, the toys stacked neatly in matching canvas containers nearby (and the dirty dishes hidden the cleaning cupboard)…. I digressed sorry

Nope, as that is not my blog (or my life) I have to tell you that I found out some rubbish news this week, I first heard it on the school run, as we all know the playground is the ideal hub for gossip when you fall asleep early each evening a miss the local news… It turns out that, due to staff sicknesses in our area, all homebirths and midwife led unit deliveries are suspended for the next three months!!!!! Oh no!!! I can’t bear the thought of labouring on a packed maternity unit or having to kneel on cold hospital floors surrounded by bleeping machines, hand sanitizers and ghastly crape paper like curtains. I just know the very sight of a faded cartoon sticker on a magnolia wall will undoubtedly send me screaming for an epidural as soon as you can say ‘intervention for shrieking banshee in room 12’. Now I know that nature has its own tune and I can’t guarantee my birth of choice, but it seems so unfair that I may have this decision taken away from me. On the plus my midwife this week did say they will be reviewing the situation at the end of august and it could all be ok for my September due date…. Not that Im panicking or worrying or anything, Im perfectly Zen about the situation… hey maybe I’ll go and give birth in a wood and be at one with nature surrounded by animals and shit.. with a film crew looking on…. You’ve read that article haven’t you?

Roo is down to two feeds a day lastly approximately 5 mins each so I don’t think our nursing relationship will continue much longer, he is having the odd cup of cow’s milk in the day now too and seems happy enough. I even managed to leave my husband to the bedtime routine last week while I attended The Southwest Blog Event. In true ‘Slummy Mummy’ style I left my scarf behind meaning I earned a little mention (anonymously) in the follow up email FAIL.

Football fever has struck the Macdonald household so hopefully I will have a little more time for blogging while Scotty insists on watching every single game. I was taking a little nap a few days ago, only to be awaked my some furious tapping from the corner of the room where he was desperately trying to fit an aerial onto the bedroom TV so he could escape over the next couple of weeks. No luck and we’re stuck with non-stop matches on the family television all evening. Still ‘one born’ is on series link so hopefully all is not lost.

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Damned if we do…..

So, during preparations for my earth mother experiment (real nappy, breastfeeding and sling research) I came across a fantastic article on extended breastfeeding, this got me thinking about how us mothers are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. I thought I’d share a few of my thoughts with you:bitchymoms

  • Are you breastfeeding?: This question, if coming from genuine interest, maybe a curious mum-to-be or a health care professional is all well and good, but if it’s to gauge my suitability to join your baby gang you can sod off!
  • Are you still breastfeeding??: So, you’d judge me if I didn’t but beyond the age of 12 months there must be something wrong with me for continuing…. Right!!
  • You’re doing baby lead weaning: Won’t your baby get really hungry? Throw most of it around? Won’t he choke? no I wont look at the book you bought to understand it better.
  • You’re mashing his food: Oh,how will he learn to feed himself, you’ll never get him to eat lumps, you’ve made a rod for your own back (agrahhhh I hate strongly dislike that saying).
  • Make noise around your sleeping baby so he gets used to it: who really feels like hovering when you have a new born? and at 3am I’m not risking it….sorry
  • Sleep when he sleeps: I thought I was meant to hoover?! (also this advice only counts for the first 3 weeks after that, no matter how little sleep you’ve had, you’re lazy for wanting a nap)
  • Is he still not sleeping through? No, I like my two hour a night cuddles. (if I’ve not offered up the info, or said I’m struggling its NOYB)
  • Its psychologically damaging to let your baby cry it out: agrahhh I can’t win

Can you think of anymore??

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Label Guns

Recently, while trying to get some feedback on my blog I was informed the following:

‘To be honest I hate all the yummy mummy / slummy mummy type labels. We are women, not just mummies. I wouldn’t read your blog because of the name’ (Ironically my stats went up after this with a link to the site in question, so I suspect the poster may have had a sneaky look anyway)

And

‘So for being normal you are labelled slummy? nice.’

It’s amazing how untactful people can be from behind a screen. However, always conscious of my readers (you guys have helped me hit the big 1000 hits in two weeks wooo hoo)- I won’t be baking cakes this time due to a food colouring incident (fail) !!, I have decided to examine these comments and clear up any misunderstanding: Here is my Passive aggressive responsejudging-others-274x300

I consider this to be a satirical blog, one which is aware that mummies place labels on ourselves and others far too often, I aim to promote a healthy view of being yourself, if we don’t do the laundry or curl our hair each morning we are labelled ‘Slummy’, therefore I have embraced this…. although I find myself chasing that elusive ‘Yummy Mummy’ status, I don’t believe it exists. The women in the playground who DO curl their hair each morning prob have curly hair anyway and can’t fathom how I’m able to straighten mine each day.  It’s that unrealistic view of what a mother should be which holds us back from just letting it all hang out so to speak (don’t let it hang out, tuck it into your waistband).

You guys get it don’t you???

I would like to point out that this blogging network does not belong to the fabulous website I work for! It’s the other one (wink).

So, I’m thinking we need to test these labels out, what do you reckon? Over the next few weeks I will take on a persona, I’ll do the school run, and the supermarket trip (ahhhhh, I’m an on-liner normally) as a mummy with a label. I’ll be my old ‘Slummy’ self, a ‘Yummy Mummy’ an ‘earth-mummy’ and a ‘Corporate Mummy’. I’ll gauge the reaction of others (including my husband and children) and see what insight I can uncover…… Ideas welcome here guys…. I shall call this test ‘THE EXPERIMENT!!!’ Yeah, Ideas welcome for the title also…….